So Happy Yet So Sad

Hey guys.  Ellie is doing pretty good tonight.  She is still clamping down at times but for the most part she is tolerating things well.  Her nurse and RT told us to expect her to be up and down for a while until she gets use to be awake and alert and having use of her muscles again.  None of us can imagine what it must feel like to be sedated and paralyzed for a month and then all of a sudden feel things you hadn't felt in such a long time.  It so amazing and awesome to see her moving her eyes and sticking out her tongue and moving her lips and I could go on and on and on.  Just a minute ago, she had been holding my finger for about a half hour!  What joy it brought to my heart.  I know I have said it before but how easily we take things for granted.  Who would've thought that just the raise of an eyebrow could make me tear up and cry.  It's precious moments like this I will never forget . 

While I am so happy to see my beautiful little girl waking up, my heart is broken for a family tonight whose little one went to be with Jesus.  We did not know this family at all, we never even spoke.  But, when you have been through a loss of a child like we have, it brings so many memories flooding back.  I feel for this mom and dad.  As much as people tell you life will carry on, it doesn't.  Your whole world becomes like someone told me, a new normal.  You never forget about that child and even though some people might think it, the pain does not get any easier.  I want to sit here and say that I can imagine what they are going through right now, but I can't.  Everyone's pain is different. Please pray for this family.  I know in a way what the next days weeks and months ahead will be like for them.  They need your prayers.

So while I am so excited to see my little girl awake and moving tonight, my heart is heavy for this family.  My heart is also heavy for my firstborn, Maddy.  Matt and I never got to see any firsts with her.  It makes each first with Ellie so much more special.  What Matt and I do know though, is that we have eternity to look forward to with our precious Maddy.  That will be such a sweet reunion.  So on the days that I am grieving more than normal for Maddy I focus on that.  That gets me through those moments.  Looking at Ellie, helps me all the more. 

We will keep you posted on how Ellie continues to do.

Love to you all,
Ellie's Mommy

The noise you hear in the video is Ellie's air leak.  Most children on ventilators don't do well with air leaks, but we are here to tell you that Ellie is not most children!