My heart has gone so many places today. I have cried so many times today. All I am and can do at this moment I know is cry out to God. I want so badly for Ellie to be ok. I don't want her to hurt anymore. I am just down right scared at this moment and had to let you all know that. Today is Matt's birthday. We should be celebrating his birthday with Ellie in his lap. Instead right now, Ellie is asleep in her hospital bed and Matt is sleeping in the recliner because due to the amount of stress we have all been under Matt and I have gotten little sleep this week. It's just sad and so unfair. I feel so helpless at this moment. Worse than I have before. When you set before all of those doctors and they look at you the way they did to us today, what else could we do. But I will not, repeat will not give up on our little girl. She is the most important thing to us here on earth. Nothing else matters but what is best for her. I got told today to go with my gut feeling. My gut feeling is telling me God is not done yet. We need to keep fighting and praying. I will never stop doing that.
Matt and I are going to spend the night with Ellie tonight. We just want to be with her as much as we can. I don't know if we told you but we got a private room this week. It allows us some more space and the ability to stay all night with her if we want too. That is a huge blessing to us.
We will keep you posted on what the doctors tell us. Right now, nothing is in stone. We are playing that waiting game. The waiting game is good for now. We have a 9lb beautiful little girl to look at. What could be better.
Love,
Ellie's Mommy
