I read April's earlier post about 13 hours after she posted it. Shame on me for not stepping back and thinking about this before. 15 months ago Maddy touched my heart like I could never imagine. But the way she touched my heart didn't develop like it should have. Now with Ellie, oh my gosh. April's post hit the nail on the head..... I love my little Ellie like I never knew I could love anything or anybody. Don't get me wrong, I love April so much, but my love for Ellie is a different kind of love. So, shame on me for not making a correlation before now of our Father's love for us. The bible says that our Father in Heaven loves us more than we love our own children. WOW! Now.... without a doubt I can understand that more than ever before. But I still can't even completely wrap my arms around that. My love for Ellie in the last 13 days is something that I can't even explain. Just last week I was willing to give up my lungs and my life for my Ellie and that's exactly how our God loves us. Our God gave up his only son for us! I can't imagine. No offense, but I wouldn't give up Ellie for anyone. So just think about it.... our Father loves us more than we can even comprehend. It gives me cold chills just thinking about it. For those out there that don't know our Father and wonder why the world is the way it is today, He gave us a choice. God created Adam and Eve and gave them the opportunity to obey or not obey our Father. Because of that we have sin. Because of sin we have pain, death, unhappiness, storms, violence, etc, etc. This has taken me a good part of my life to understand. In my mind I think of it like this - God created us in His own image, to love and obey him and to, at the time of our death spend eternity with him. To do all that we had to have free will, we had to be able to accept or deny him. Otherwise, he would have made us totally different from him - just like a robot. A robot only does what his "master" programs him to do. I have always wondered why our Father did the things he did, and now, one more piece of the puzzle has been revealed. I can finally get a glimpse of our Fathers love for us in my love as a dad (father) with my Ellison Kate. As all of you parents already know, my baby girl is my world, nothing else on this earth makes me feel the way she does.
About our day - Ellie is still doing great! She is finally off of Flolan and the oxygen setting on the ventilator has been turned down even more. April and I both had the wonderful opportunity to share "skin to skin" contact with Ellie today. Children's NICU calls it Kangaroo, like a mother Kangaroo carries her little one in her pouch. Ellie was positioned on our chest today while we were sitting in a recliner in the NICU beside her bed. It was such an awesome, bonding experience. Words can't describe the feeling of closeness that I felt while Ellie was laying on my chest. She did great, she was very calm and she fell asleep on me.... and I almost fell asleep too. What a relaxing, amazing, blessing from God, to have your very own blood that you and your wife created (and our Father) so close to you she almost becomes part of you. Can you tell I'm crazy about my baby girl? We also got to help give Ellie her first real bath with baby shampoo and water. Her previous baths were with something like baby wipes. Ellie's human milk consumption has now tripled and she seems to tolerating it very well. To be were we are now is such a blessing from God. We have got to be the most blessed couple in the whole wide world!!
Thank you all, again, for all of the prayers, texts, emails, phone calls, cards, etc, etc,. All of you have played a big part in our lives and we will never forget what each and every one of you have done for us. When times are good I think we all often forget that we still need to pray and communicate with our Father. So, Please keep Ellie in your prayers. She is doing much better than she was, but April and I believe that our Father isn't finished yet. We believe in the power of prayer, and that power I think comes from all of you praying for Ellie. Let's make sure that our Father in Heaven keeps hearing our petition for healing for Ellie. God bless you all!
Matt (Ellie's daddy)
Our amazing friend Jessica came to visit Ellie
