Hey Everyone!
Sorry I have not written sooner. This week has been a little crazy, filled with ups and downs, and a lot of emotions for me. Wednesday was a month since Ellie went to heaven. At times I feel like she's been gone a lot longer than that. On Wednesday, it felt like we had said good bye to her at just that moment. My heart just aches to breathe her in and touch her head. I just miss my little girl. I was doing ok Wednesday. Trying to go about the day and for the most part I did that. Then, the mail came. We got a packet from Children's in the mail. Inside it was a packet on grieving and a card filled with the most beautiful notes from a lot of the people that cared for Ellie. When I got that, I broke down. First, I looked at the packet on grieving. Most of what was in there, we had already gotten once before. This brought about even more emotions with the fact that we have now not lost one, but two babies. I just kept thinking in my mind, we have already had to receive this stuff once before, why are we having to do it again!?!?! It's not right for a parent to ever have to look at information about how to grieve the loss of a child. It's just an unexplainable feeling.
Then I read the card. At that point, I cried harder. So many sweet messages from so many wonderful people. I miss our family in Cincinnati. All of these people shared a bond with us and I am so grateful for that. I feel privileged that we had so many wonderful people brought in to our lives. They helped make what was a difficult and often trying time, beautiful. They helped us be parents in every way, shape and form we could be. You loved our daughter and welcomed us in to your "home". Thank you for becoming our family. We love you all and know that all of YOU will hold a special place in our hearts forever.
Then came Thursday. I got up and checked some messages and then made a quick trip to facebook. It was there I discovered from Jaxson's mommy that another sweet baby who was up there with all of us went to be with Jesus. I just cried. It's so hard to understand sometimes. I did not know this family as well I knew some others, but I know this, they fought for their little girl. They were always there for her. Pray for this family. I can understand some of what they will be going through in the next few days and weeks, but every one's grief is different. Pray for comfort, strength, and peace for them. I know they will appreciate it. Please continue to pray for Jaxson and his family. Jaxson is still in the hospital, still fighting. I know his mommy and daddy appreciate all the prayers and support they can get. They have been on this battle now for 4 months. Pray they have continued strength.
So, as you can see this week has held a lot of emotions for me. For the most part, Matt and I are doing ok. There's just a hurt in our lives that will never go away, but hopefully will ease in time. We are going about the day to day, doing our best. We have each other and we have so many of you that are loving us and supporting us. Please know how grateful we are for that. Most of all we have the Lord. I know just as I did yesterday afternoon, when life gets to tough, I sit down with Him. I stop and cry out to Him at any moment. It feels so good to do that. I talk to Him and confess it all. The good, the bad, and the hurt. He hears it. He's helping me work on things. I just have to give everything to Him. Pray for me as I work on that each day.
Love,
Ellie's Mommy
