After Ellie's service on Wednesday, Matt and I got away. We left. We were encouraged by a lot of people that this would be best for us. Just get away from reality for a few days and try to begin to heal. We had not been home, to our home in Evansville since April 17th. When we got home, it was very overwhelming. I wasn't quite sure what to do. We had almost five months worth of unpacking to do. I had no desire to do anything. Honestly, the thought of getting away didn't interest me either. I just wanted to close myself in my home and not leave the couch. That's when I knew, this would be the best thing for me, for both of us. We needed to learn to be again, exist again. This trip, helped to start that process.
We ended up going to Florida. Matt and I had never been to a beach together. In fact, this was only the 2nd trip we took by ourselves since our honeymoon. It was nice to get away and just be the two of us. The first few days were a little weird. Matt and I had been so use to having to worry and fight for Ellie that we weren't really sure what to do with ourselves. It was weird to not have any kind of schedule. We were not use to that. We had to learn how to relax. We had to learn how to just be. I know it might sound silly, but that's not easy to do. When you go from a constant battle, every day, to the only thing to worry about is what you are going to eat and when, it throws you for a loop. I felt like something was wrong, like we should have been doing something else. Then, when you are alone like that, it allows your mind to really think. Sometimes, my mind could think clearly and other times, well not so much. I still can't explain everything that is going on in my head. I don't know if I every will be. I know, as long I keep trusting, keep focusing on the Lord, He will get me through.
One thing Matt and I did get from this trip, we learned how to laugh again. Matt and I were able to laugh like we have never laughed before. Sometimes, I could follow that laughter with crying, but still we could laugh. The laughter in some ways was a release. Release of all the tension, worry, fear, and sadness that we had been holding on to for so long. That, to me, was a blessing in a time of such sadness. We needed to hear laughter again.
I have so much stuff in my head I want to tell you about Florida. Things that happened, the beauty of Gods masterpieces that we saw down there. Instead of making this a huge, long, post, I will split it in to a few. I guess the most important thing I can tell you is this trip did not fix everything, it did not make everything better. Our lives our different, they are changed forever. What this trip did do, was teach us to to be. It taught us how to see each other again, reconnect. I am so grateful for that. We needed that a lot more than I realized. I want to thank everyone who encouraged us and supported us to go on this trip. We are so grateful to each and every one of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You have no idea what you did for us.
I will have Matt post some pictures soon. Matt got some amazing pictures of Gods masterpieces in the sky. It was so beautiful to see.
Love,
Ellie's Mommy
