I have a confession to make. I am addicted to TV. I love it. I love when the fall season comes out and there is all these new shows to try out. Some people like to scrapbook, make cards, fish, or play sports, I love to watch TV. There are other things I do, I have just always enjoyed TV. When we were in the hospital with Ellie, I did get out of the habit. We never had the TV on. Now that we are back home, I don't think I am as bad as I use to be (Matt might disagree!). Still, I have been interested to see some of the new fall shows this year.
One of the shows I have had on when time allows is The X Factor. It's the new Simon Cowell show. It is pretty good, but very similar to American Idol. I haven't seen every episode but from what I have seen, they have some very talented singers to choose from. I was watching last Thursday night and it seemed they had several younger kids on there. This is where, when you are grieving or just hurting in general, the tiniest thing can send you in to a tailspin. I was watching as this fourteen year old girl was preparing to audition. They were interviewing her and showing her at home with her family. She was talking about how singing was her dream. It was the only thing she wanted to do. I saw her laughing and having a good time with her dad, mom, and little brother. This is where I had my mini breakdown. I stood there with the iron in my hand (I guess I could tell you guys I was ironing while I was watching the show) and just froze. It hit me all at once that I was never going to be able to see or hear or watch my girls' dreams play out. I would never get to know here on earth what they like to do or what they would like to be. That hit me hard. It has been on my mind for several days. Not so much as a it's not fair type of thing, just a wondering. Wondering what they would have been interested in. Would they like to dance, sing, play sports? It's so weird how the smallest thing can make you think, really think.
Last night it hit me. I won't get to see Maddy or Ellie play, sing, dance, or play sports down here on earth. But, I have this gift that is waiting for me in heaven. I have eternity with my girls. Though sometimes, it's hard to comprehend, in the end eternity is the greatest gift of all. I want so badly to see the girls do all these things. I will! It's just going to be a little longer than I wanted it to be. But I know, when God gets me there, He is going to show me so many wonderful things these two amazing girls can do. One thing God has allowed me to see, is how my little girls have touched so many lives. Matt and I are still hearing stories about how people's lives were changed because of Ellie or because of Maddy. Thank you for sharing these with us. You all have no idea how much that encourages us and can lift us up at just that right moment. I know I have said it several times, but God is just SO good! All I can say today is thank you Lord, for your gift of eternity. Thank you for allowing me to accept that precious gift. Thank you for giving me the hope that I will see my girls again. You Lord, are an awesome and mighty God and I praise you with everything in me. Thank you for my girls and the blessing they have been to so many.
Love,
Ellie's Mommy
