I have to apologize before I say anything else. The past two weeks have been very busy and filled with ups and downs. I don't know where to begin, but I am going to do my best so here goes-
The past couple of weeks have been rough in many different ways. I can't really explain all of it and some of it I don't want to explain. It's to hard for even me to understand. The one thing I can ask is that you pray for me. I am trying to pray through some things in my life that are very hurtful and sad. It doesn't make complete sense right now, but I know some day God is going to help me understand it all. I am praying each day for him to allow me to see the whys and with His strength and grace I know I will.
A big thing that has been put in my face these past couple weeks is prayer and how sometimes we get our prayers answered and sometimes we don't get them answered the way we would hope for. Even with my faith and trust in the Lord, I still struggle. How could you not? We are human. I can't begin to list the endless times, ways, and places I sat in Cincinnati and prayed for my little Ellie to be healed. It would be really easy for me to say that I prayed and prayed and prayed but didn't get my prayers answered. To say that, in one way would be wrong. We saw many prayers answered while we were with Ellie. God performed miracles in and through her, that can only be explained one way, it was God. He brought her back so many times when the doctors said she wouldn't make it. I remember one time when Ellie was struggling and they didn't know what else they could do for her. We sent out texts and asked so many of you to pray. I remember my brother sending me a text back and letting me know Bro. Mike had just led the whole church in prayer. It was at about the same moment we knew that his church's prayer had begun and ended, that Ellie's numbers went up again. That is a example to me of an answer to prayer. It was a tiny miracle that we wanted and the Lord responded. Do I still wish she would have been healed completely? YES!!!! It's these moments that will always be hard for me to understand, because she was healed, just not on this earth. I still pray each day that God helps me to understand that and trust Him.
This past week I had to pray for strength for family. My grandpa went to heaven on Wednesday evening. He was 96 years old and lived a life full of memories. It was hard to see him go, but I know he is so happy in heaven. Being with him the past week, brought back a lot of old emotions and new ones for me. To watch my grandpa laying there the last few days he was on this earth was hard for me. Even though he was 96, to watch him like that was rough. He couldn't speak to any of us but we could talk to him and I know he heard us. When my mom called and told me he was in heaven, I was ok. I knew he was ready and at the moment she called me I knew he was living life again. When I hung up the phone with her, it took me a few seconds and then it hit me. Mom had called me just a few minutes after he passed and I realized at the moment my mom and I were talking he was in heaven, meeting my girls for the first time. I couldn't help it, I just sobbed. Part of it was joy for him and the other part sadness because I miss them. Something hit me today and I just thought it was awesome-my girls were one of the first to greet him in heaven. What a gift! Just to think of that moment when he saw Maddy and Ellie and grandma and so many others is so amazing. I know it's something I could never fully describe, but I know he is having an amazing time right now laughing and walking and I'm sure teasing people! He loved to do that!!!
I want to thank everyone for all of the continued prayers and encouragement you give to us. You have no idea how much it means and how much it helps. I find strength on days that I know they only way I am getting it, is through the Lord. Weak or strong, talking to Him, does mighty, mighty things.
Love,
Ellie's Mommy
