This past week has been busy, to say the least. It's been amazing to see how getting home and getting back to this life can keep you so on the go. I realized yesterday it had been a week since I had written. I was upset at myself when I realized that. I have really loved doing this and want to continue. I have told myself this morning that this week I need to start doing better. Writing has been a great release for me, a way to get my feelings out that I might not be able to any other way. I need to keep doing this. It keeps me feeling connected to this huge family we have out there!
The other day I was in the car headed to pick my mom up. My emotions have been kind of all over the place lately. I can go from happy one moment to sad the next. I guess the best way to describe the grieving process is unique. Each person grieves differently. You have bad days, followed by good days, followed by indifferent days, followed by days you are just there, trying to get through the day. The day I was going to get my mom was a day I was just trying to get through. I have especially hard moments when I just want to be with my girls. I have said it before but the ache just gets so bad, I just want to curl up in a ball in bed and not get out. Before I go on, I will tell you I pray and pray and pray through those moments. With God's strength, I get through them. I was in the car, on the short drive to get her and this song came on that just made me smile. It was a song by the group Building 429 and the song was called "Where I Belong". It spoke right to my heart. God knew just what I needed to hear. Here are just part of the lyrics-
"All I know is I'm not home yet/This is not where I belong/Take this world and give me Jesus/This is not where I belong."
How amazing are those words?!?! I think sometimes it's easy for me to forget that is not our home. This is just temporary. We are only here on this earth for as long as God wants us to be. It's then that we get to our permanent home. This world has a lot of nice things in it, but nothing compares to what we have in heaven. Nothing.
I am so glad I have that hope and that belief. I'm not home yet. Until that day, when He calls me home, I am going to do my best to live my life the way He would want me to here. I want to be the best witness for Him that I can be. I'm not perfect, nobody is. He has me here, still here, for a reason. I feel honored and privileged that I am a child of God's.
Please continue to pray for us. It gives us strength every single day. We are so thankful and grateful for them all.
Love,
Ellie's Mommy
