Wow! I cannot believe 2012 is already here and tomorrow it will be February 1st. Time goes by so quickly. I know it has been a while since my last post and for that I am sorry. January has been so busy. I thought after Christmas and New Years things would settle down, but it seems like it has been as busy as ever. This sometimes is good, but there are days where I want nothing more than to lay around and do nothing! I have gotten a few of those days and am hoping for a few more this next month! We will see.
January has been filled with all kinds of things for me. Bible study, a new small group, and work to name a few. I am grateful for all of these things. They keep my mind occupied for the most part and that is good for me. When my mind goes idle, I began to think and dream of a lot of things. I have always been that way, but now my dreams are filled of what ifs and memories of the past two years. January of 2011 was the month when everything was beginning to take shape of our little Ellie. This Thursday it will be a year since we went to Cincinnati, thinking we were going there for something minor and driving home with news we never expected. Ellie had several conditions going on that all together, the doctors had never seen before. They weren't sure what to expect. Doctors appointments would begin every week to monitor her. We were scared, but we trusted God. He was going to lead us through this, we had no doubt about that.
I can still say that HE is leading us through this. I wonder every day when I look at other people with their babies and children, "Why my family Lord? Why us?" Some days, I want to scream, I won't lie. The hurt just hits me and there is nothing I can do to stop it. But I still trust Him. I still believe He has a plan. There is no day I can get through without the Lord, but some days when it gets to rough, I literally look up and say "You know where I am right now, give me strength to get through this." What I feel after that, is this force that is like no other. He carries me through that moment and each moment after that.
I want to see good things for my family this year and I believe with all my heart, God has that in store for us. I just know that I have to keep trusting, and He will keep providing.
Last night in my bible study I heard the most beautiful statement. It touched my heart in such a special way. A lady had been listening to the christian radio station and heard this: "When you take photographs, you go in to a dark room to develop them and out come the most beautiful pictures. The same can be said when the Lord takes you in to a dark place. Out of the darkest of moments can come the most beautiful pictures."
Lord, my prayer today and every day from now on is that of the darkness you would bring me beauty. Help me to show your love and mercy and kindness every day.
In Him,
April
