As a little girl, this was always my favorite time of year. Thanksgiving meant Christmas was coming. With Christmas came so many magical things to me. I use to get so excited to go pick out the Christmas tree with my parents and my brother (even if he did pick on me the whole ride there, the entire time we were trying to pick out the tree, and the whole ride back) and bring it back home to decorate it. My dad always had to set the tree in the stand and get it just right (which usually meant my mom and him going back and forth on what was perfect) and then, the decorating would begin. I was and still am not a fan of putting the lights on the tree. It has always flustered me. That was normally left to my mom. But then, once that part was finished, we could start to put all the ornaments on the tree. I loved to do this. I loved to get these ornaments out each year and remember who made which one and how my parents got that ornament. Our family tree was filled with the kind of ornaments that might not have looked perfect on the outside, but they were made with love and created memories that would last a lifetime.
As I got older, I began to want to collect ornaments of my own. I wanted them for the day I would have a tree in my house. I began to buy ornaments and people began to get them for me as gifts. It got to the point that after a couple years I had enough ornaments to put on a tree and I still didn't have my own place! So, the following year my mom let me decorate their tree with my ornaments. I was thrilled to show off my collection of beautiful things. It never occurred to me, till this year, that while everyone one of them were pretty to me, they had no special meaning to them. Not like, the ones on my parents tree. They were just something pretty to look at.
Over the years, since Matt and I have been together, we have begun to collect new ornaments. Special ones. Matt has special fishing ones, there are ones with some wedding photos in them, we have ornaments from our first Christmas together, and one for the year we moved into our new home. Those are special to me, but this year, I got to hang two ornaments together, that have more meaning to me than any other ornament on that tree. I got to hang the letter M and the letter E. When I hung those this year, I stood there for a moment and thought, this tree could only have those two letters on there and it would look perfect. Those two letters, represent so much to me. Hope, strength, beauty, peace, love, mercy, I could go on and on and on. I could never say enough about our girls. They are the most important thing to Matt and I. They always will be. Though there lives here on earth were not as long as we would have liked them to be, their lives had meaning. God put them here for a purpose. Maddy and Ellie will always be a part of our hearts.
What I am trying to see this Christmas, is what God could have in store for us in the future. I will admit, thought I might not show it, I am really struggling this season. It's hard. We had so many dreams we were wanting to create with our girls. So many memories we were hoping to create. I know God has a plan for us. I believe that with all my heart. I guess that's where the human side of me comes out. I just want God to reveal his plan to me now, but I know deep down that's not how it works. His timing is perfect and His plan is perfect.
This year, with all of the hustle and bustle of the season, I am reminding myself each day to stop and thank Him for all of the goodness and grace He has to offer. I am also thanking Him for the wonderful family and friends that have loved us and supported us and continue to encourage us no matter what. I am also thanking Him for the letters on the tree. What beautiful memories of two beautiful girls they bring to my mind each time I walk past it.
In Him,
April
